For James

No flowers are beautiful enough for you today, nothing can be good enough, no words will ever express our loss.

I told you last week that you were the best of all of us and how proud I was of you – you struggled to believe me and I told you that you weren’t looking at what I was seeing.

James looked out for the ‘little guy’ and loved his family unconditionally.  He took time for us all and has left us all with a giant sized James shape hole in our hearts.

James was ‘Head Kid’ the eldest of his generation – it was his job to look out for anyone smaller than him and he did a pretty amazing job – this baton has now been passed to Andrew – his kid brother, who he loved so much.  Andrew, he needs you to do this job for him and make Giant Steps with your three beautiful girls – Jovita, Isabelle and Soija.

He said Lewis was his brother, none of this cousin shit.  He would be there for you without question, in a heartbeat and would never let you down.  No notice required, brothers forever.

You are both saying that you don’t know what to do now without James – I’m not going to tell you, I’m going to show you.  I will drag my sorry arse out of bed every morning and go forward with life.  We will celebrate Christmas and Birthdays, have goods days and sad days and we will carry you in our hearts forever and if one day we are not here, you will have the strength to carry on for anyone smaller than you.

His heart was given to his ‘American Beauty’ Dianna – who was his future and now you are part of our family forever.

His Mum and Dad, Carole and Michael – he didn’t want to leave you, he didn’t want to leave us.  He wanted to stay with us all.

If anyone based your opinion of James on first impressions, you were so wrong – strip back his demons and the layers to find  a Funny, Inspiring, Ridiculously bright, Interesting, Creative, Amazing Young Man – who always had a point of view and had mastered the art or unguarded conversation.  The first person on my call list who would swear unreservedly – you mattered, warm, witty, supportive.

You drew us all to you and had a knack of making us like him. Even if you didn’t want to – he would break down the barriers until there was o choice and you had to cave in and love him.  If you were the Queen of England or Aunty Susan – James would fart in your presence while having a drag on a fag – both without a single care in the world.

When you needed your friends, when the shit hit the fan, they have been here for you, helping me with your business, without question in a heart beat.  What amazing people surrounded you. Thank you so much Mark, Martin, Tom, Olly, Andy, Dave and every single person who has helped me so much.

2017  saw the launch of Giant Steps Digital Ltd and the future was going to be amazing, so much to live for – planning the business and with the confidence growing 2018 was going to be a great year.

James was especially proud of the artwork by Stephen Wood, couldn’t wait to show me, no sure if he spotted me drop my business cards across his floor and I hurriedly collected them up before he spotted me or I would of been on the ‘naughty step’

You coloured the corners of my world and now without you our world has turned to Grey.  This is the wrong order.  I know you are asleep and we will be with you on your last journey to the care of our Grandparents.  I hope everyone will make a journey to see you, not necessarily today but a some point as you don’t like being on your own for long.  Take in the beautiful views – from here you can see home.

It is my honour to say these words for you James, I am so proud to be your Aunty Susan – James you are, and always will be the best of us … Love you Kid – Aunty Susan x

The day after you died, we were in your flat – there was no technology, nothing in the CD player – no obvious clue – Blue Room  in Archway, by the Boo Radleys began to play – it was like you were there with us and you wanted us to here this track.   Listen to this for James, play it loud, sing along, dance around the room – For James.

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